Have you ever noticed that people sometimes disempower people and call it empowerment?
As Coffee Connection and Project Empower grows, I’m proud of the ways we are living into our name.
What could be more disempowering than to be labeled an addict and reminded of one’s failures over and over again? How many reminders do people (including us!) need of how we’ve messed things up? And when you are identified by your weaknesses and failures, how does that impact how you look at yourself?
We can have relapse prevention programs and talk to women (and men) about how not to relapse. But as soon as we use the word “relapse,” what image comes up in one’s mind? Usually the image of them relapsing. I asked this question once in group and one woman answered, “A quart of vodka.” Helpful, indeed.
In a recent group, four women came with a negative sense of self: weakness, failure, ugliness, being a screw-up, addict . . . . One talked about seeing the monster in the mirror. “So, how does that feel?” I asked. “I feel awful.” During our group each of us created an image of ourselves in our mind as healthy, beautiful, strong, beloved, successful - and put that picture on our mirror. The change was astounding.
Increasingly over the years, I see women and men coming to a new understanding of themselves. In one group I asked them each to share one of their strengths. Suddenly women were sitting on the edge of their seats, smiling, even laughing as others affirmed their strengths and gifts. One woman said, “I suppose this sounds weird, but I think one of my strengths is my love and compassion for children.” No doubt it would sound strange to others knowing that Child Protective Services are involved. I could have reminded her about CPS and asked her how she figured that was a strength. But instead I paused and asked the other women, “I have a thought—help me with this. I wonder if Belinda (name changed) is really talking about her essential goodness that comes out in love for children?” They liked that. Belinda was stunned. “No one ever talked about my goodness before. I’ve never thought of myself as good.” How does this feel, then?” I asked. “Really, really different. I feel good about myself, like maybe I have some hope!”
How we see ourselves and how we see others creates a reality that we often live up—I mean, down—to. As I work with women (and now men), some of whom are considered to be the dregs of society, I am astounded by the beauty, strength, and goodness. I see the image of God shining through—albeit sometimes a bit dimly. As we celebrate their goodness and beauty, we see backs straighten, shoulders go back, heads held high, and a deep desire to be healthy and give back to the world. As I celebrate my own goodness as a human being created in the image of God, I am able to confront what is false and out of order in my life (sometimes we call it sin), and open myself to the healing power offered to me through God.
The Talmud asserts that Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, “Grow, grow!” Can you imagine what a difference it would make in our world if we became those angels whispering, “Grow, grow!” to our children, to those rejected by society, to ourselves?
What a gift to be given this work to do!!!
- Joy Bergfalk, Executive Director of the Coffee Connection and Project Empower
we have it fully insulated and heated, of course. We are doing this work step by step as funds are available - all of it in an environmentally-friendly way.
